What?!? 2dpIUI!!!

So, on Monday, the day after I got my +OPK, I called the doctor's office just like they told me to and low and behold they put this sweet nurse on the phone. I won't share her name with you but I will forever remember it. I tell her about my long awaited +test and she seems excited and proceeds to schedule me for the IUI that day. Then, for some stupid reason I tell her that the + came on my 2pm urine and it was essentially neg that morning. ( I say essentially b/c these things are not exactly user friendly, if you have ever used a OPK, you know exactly what I'm talking about. ) So then........she wants to schedule it for Tuesday morning b/c "technically" if the + test occurs after the morning urine, it counts for the next day. You have got to be kidding me. Nope. She wasn't kidding me, not even a little bit. So at this point, I close by office door because when I get anxious, my voice gets a little higher and I don't particularly want my staff hearing the details of my ovulation cycle.....So, as my heart sets up camp in the back of my throat, I begin to "share" with her my concerns. Telling her my symptoms of egg white cervical mucus, ovarian tenderness, and bloating and the fear of waiting too long to do the IUI. She seems pretty understanding and tells me to just come on in at 1pm. Many of my neighbors in the ttc community can relate to me when I refer to overanalyzing EVERYTHING. So, I tell my medical director that I need to leave at 11am for a procedure. He asked no questions (thankfully) and gave me the green light. So off we go, the very thing I begged to God for has finally arrived. Sy sweet hubby goes and provides his sample that I called the "team" so dutifully and they went through their preparation "wash". Seriously. 45 minutes later, that same sweet nurse whose name I will never forget, calls me to the back. She directs us to a very small room and instructs me to remove my bottoms and have a seat on the table. Although, I have never had this particular procedure done, I've had my share of pap smears, so I get the gist. And there we wait. Not long though and here she comes back and I assume the position. My sweet hubby at my side, holding my hand she begins the process. It really didn't hurt, just uncomfortable to the point I told her that some relaxing music would probably help. And maybe dim the lights. I'm sure she added that to her suggestion box. (insert sarcasm) She then proceeded to tell me not to worry, this works on nervous people all the time. And just like that, it was done. The team was put into position and we wait for them to do their thing. She elevates my pelvis, and tells me to relax for at least 10 minutes. She brings me an order for blood work and tells me that I can have it drawn anywhere I like so we don't have to drive two hrs just for labs. She leaves and doesn't come back. 25 minutes later and a devoted prayer later, we decide it is indeed ok to get up and leave. Walking ever so gently, as not to disturb the activity I carefully walk to to the truck. We make it home and add more team members to the party that night - ever so gently I might add. More prayers said. All day Tuesday, I feel so calm and relaxed, I check to see if I have a pulse as I am writing prescriptions for my poor ill patitents. Cramps and tenderness all day. Didn't sleep that well that night and at some point I remember feeling like someone thumped by left ovary. Like really, it woke me up. So, all day today I have been beating myself up thinking and rethinking the timeline of this whole ordeal wondering if I screwed the whole thing up by being impatient. I think what if I didn't release the egg until last night, and the team have left the camp. Not many symptoms today. Pretty much, everything feels normal. It would certainly make this process easier if they would look for follicles with an ultrasound. At any rate, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and we have more to be thankful for than we could ever imagine or express. 4 days til blood work and 10 til any possibility of knowing if we were successful. At the end of the day, I carry peace in my heart knowing God is in control and no matter how bad I screw it up, He's got my back. He knows the birthday of my child that hasn't even been conceived yet. He knows what is best, I have asked Him for that and now I trust Him. Every day is hard, don't get me wrong, but at the end of the day, I hold onto that peace and lean on Him for strength. I know He has heard my pleading prayer as I express to Him the yearning desire burning deep within my soul to carry a child in my womb and raise them to know and love the Lord. I think I feel better now, having said all that. If you made it this far, I am sorry, for I am pretty certain it was pure torture. Thanks for reading and I ask your prayers. Until next time, love one another,
amy jo

Finally 8 days later: +OPK

YAY!!!! Finally, after 8 days of testing, we get a positive ovulation test!! Just when I was thinking we might have missed it. So, to add some flare to this post I guess I could fill you in on the details around the event. Of course I am on an emotional roller coaster and swallowing back tears all morning as I read blogs about others' experiences. I panic as I learn that I haven't been testing with the most effecticve method. I had only been using my morning urine and not testing any other time of the day. As I read, I realize that the morning urine is not the best indeed and they encourage testing throughout the day. I realize this at the same time I realize that I just used my last OPK. My heart rate goes through the roof. I live in the middle of nowhere. Literally. No OPK for 45 miles. And the championship race is on. He would do it, no doubt, but that would be like asking hubby to leave during the superbowl. So, I turn my house upside down looking for left over kits. I KNOW there are some here somewhere. Low and behold, I found em :) :).  So the test this am showed Negative. 2pm test positive. Are you serious???!!! Are you kidding me??!!! I ran and got hubby becuase at this point you would think I had a positive pregnancy test. Then I look at the expiration date and it's past. UGH. I take another one......positive. SERIOUSLY??!! This is IT??!! So I am still not satisfied and at this point I have totally interrupted my hubby's Nascar haven. He is so understanding and we find yet another test, apart from this box i found and it expired after the ones that I got positives with. Hubby did this one, "for once and for all". This is it he says, you should be satisfied with this one. He takes me out of the bathroom and to the bed and just holds me tight. Real tight. Three sweet moments pass and he jumps up and dashes to the bathroom with me close behind. He grabs the test and won't let me see it. After a loving struggle, I see it. TWO lines the same darkness. This is it!!!! So, I get the phone to call the doctor like they told me to to schedule the IUI. Who cares that it's Sunday right? Well, apparently they do. The answering service answered the phone and told me very politely that unless I needed the doctor today, I should call back in the morning during usual business hours. Are you kidding me. Nope, she wasn't kidding. So, I begin texting my two prayer warriors as well as others who are keeping up with my cycle and struggle to concieve a child. Oh, how I want that soooo bad. So, back to the blogging forums again this time about expired OPKs which apparently do not stop working after the little date printed on the package. Whew. Can we get on with this now?? EWCM and mittelschmerz right on time. This is the real deal. Thanking God for answered prayers and thanking Him that it wasn't positive yesterday. I would have surely experienced a melt down if I would have gotten the answering service yesterday.......Lord knows that would have been bad. Praying for God's will and strength. He knows I need it. Thanks again for following our little story. Hopefully our family is about to get bigger :) ;) In Christ, amy jo

Waiting patiently

Well, considering that I am now writing on Day Five of my Spiritual Journey I guess it's needeless to say I didn't meet my goal of penning my thoughts and feelings everyday. I was at the clinic by myself and I was swamped every day. I feel certain this was the Lord's way of keeping my thoughts otherwise occupied. I started each day with scripture and prayer time which made a BIG difference. I also had floods of encouraging text messages and prayers from my prayer warriors to encourage me. I have an incredible support system I like to call my cheer squad. I literally worked so hard, there was little time to think about it all much less worry about it. Then I came home so tired, I really believe I was too exhauseted to worry. I went to bed every night with visions of two dark lines in the morning to give me the green light to go make a baby. And every morning so far, I have been greeted with that one lonely solitary line on my ovulation kits. The new medication is going well, I certainly hope it's working. I know and believe in my heart that my time is surely coming. My time to shine. My time to see a positive pregnancy test and share my joy with the world. My time to feel my body changing and to be greeted by nausea every morning. I believe the Lord gives us the desires of our hearts, yet I have also pleaded with Him to bless my family with His will for our lives. Despite my desires, His will is best. I believe this with everything I have. God is gonna bless me with a baby, I just don't know when. What I do know, is His time is PERFECT. I am ecstatic to live this out because I am certain He is going to blow my mind. :) Thanks for stopping by. I pray that you will be blessed.

Blind sided

So, the first day of my Spriritual journey did not go quite as well as I had hoped. I should have remembered that when you put on the full armor of God, you might as well know that Satan will be giving it his best shot. How could I have over looked that??!! So armed with a sure faith and sheer determination not to worry myself silly over the details of this week and the next two, I headed for the clinic. I needed a busy day and boy a busy day it was! After lunch, I received a phone call from the specialist with my lab results. I gotta admit, I never saw this one coming. So my TSH and FSH were WNL which is awesome news!! My prolactin level, however, was elevated. My emotions went in to a tail spin. Is this a bad thing? Os tjos a gppd thing, easily fixed? I am not really certain of all the details in which this affects fertility, so I hit the internet as soon as I got home from clinic. Still fuzzy on the meaning of having an elevated prolactin level and what that means for this week's IUI. The nurse ensured me that I should proceed with daily OPK at home and with the IUI this week as well. I will start Cabergoline tomorrow to bring my prolactin levels down. The burning question in my mind right now is has this been the problem the whole time of ttc? AND what does this mean for the IUI this week? I took my last dose of Femara this evening, so I am praying for ovulation and successful IUI!!! DH has been so supportive and I am so thankful for him. I pray tomorrow I will be a little more stable emotionally. Another busy day at the clinic should distract me nonetheless. Thanks for following me on this journey. I pray this evening you are well.

The beginning of a new Journey; Prayerful, not Anxious

On my last post, I spoke of the plans that the Lord has for us. Plans to prosper and not harm you, to give you hope and a future. That is found in Jeremiah 29:11 in the precious word of our Lord. I find great comfort in that scripture as we begin a new leg in our journey to expand our family. We have two precious boys that are 15 and 12. They became mine four years ago when they lost their mother in a tragic car accident. I married their father and I couldn't love theses guys any more if I birthed them myself. That is a gift that was given to me by my precious mother when she took me on when she married my father; I was 2 yrs old. We were a package deal, my daddy and me. My momma loves me just the same as my brothers that she birthed. You would never know the difference. Little did I know, this was our amazing Lord and Saviour preparing me for motherhoood in such a special and unique way. So the burning desire rooted deep within my soul to become pregnant and have a child continues to grow with each passing day. We have been trying to conceive for 3 1/2 years and taken fertility drugs galore. God just keeps saying "not yet, Amy jo" and I keep asking. Since so much time has passed, I have several times now asked the Lord to remove the desire from my heart if this isn't His will for our lives. Each morning, I rise and it is still ever present and increasing. I believe with all that I am that a baby is indeed in God's will for our family. When and how is for us to live out and experience. I know and also believe there is a purpose in it all. So this past week, we met with a fertility specialist who told us what we already know - that we have "unexplained infertility". In other words, you can't get pregnant and we don't know why. So his plan is to start me on Femara. I will take my 4th dose today and my final dose tomorrow. I diligently pray as I swallow each pill.The coming week holds unforeseen excitement as we anticipate our very first IUI (intrauterine insemination)! I am so nervous and anxious about it. The next two weeks will be a grueling long waiting period to see if it was successful. 14 whole days to find out if we are pregnant. Talk about nerve wracking. So, I am an anxious person anyway, I decided to come up with a plan that would help me stay focused during this difficult waiting period. Because not only am I wound up pretty tight, I'm pretty impatient as well! So, I reached for my Bible and was led to Phillipians 4:6, do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God.  Then I read a little more and it tells me that the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ. That is huge. Those words penetrate my heart and soul and I feel a soothing calmness gently flowing through my veins. My heart rate slows, my mind stops racing, and peace fills my heart. It is important that I recognize that the peace only comes as a result of not being anxious but prayerful. So I will begin an intense spiritual journey today and daily seek Christ diligently and relentlessly as I am determined to keep my focus on Him and not myself. After the next 21 days, regardless of the outcome, I should be a changed woman. For the better of course. Hopefully, I will be pregnant and either way, I will become closer to God so it's a win win situation! Thanks for stopping by. My plan is to pen my thoughts each day so I will be held accountable to my plan and to make it easier to monitor my progress in this very special Spiritual Journey.