QUIET

I've been pretty quiet lately only because I have been SLAMMED during these weeks of Christmas!! Please bear with me......blog coming soon...... :)

Worship while I'm waiting

I don't really feel like writing today, but I thought for some odd reason someone out there, somewhere may be intrested. Not likely, but what the hec.So be warned, this post isn't all cupcakes and rainbows. Maybe my grandchildren if no one else, will look back on this and see a little peice of who I was. So, we are 11 days out on our IUI. Been fighting a nasty cold all week and refuse to take anything in hope that there just may be a little one in there......or more. Haven't slept much at all due to the coughing and congestion. Fever off and on during the day at the clinic. I spent most of the week analizing, agonizing, and comparing every symptom I thought I might have to the millions of others who are ttc that post to discussion boards on line. About Wednesday, I decided that my focus was in the wrong place. I had taken my focus off of Him. This is not like me, the thought and desire of becoming pregnant was literally consuming me. Now, with my focus redirected appropriately, I am focused hard on my Saviour Jesus Christ and His loving will for my life. I have such a perfect peace. The days still seem to be dragging by but I beleive that is nothing more than human nature and we can only do so much about the natural way our bodies function. Hubby talked me into doing a home preg test this am and it was negative. Of course it's too early to show up but he was so hopeful. Yes, emotionally it was hard to look at another neg preg test, but I'm holding out......for a positive test? Nope, for His will. That is the take home message He keeps whispering in my ear. I want His will for my life. Do I want to be pregnant so badly? Of course. Do I dream of giving birth, and the first moment I lay my eyes on my child, and the first time I lay them to by chest? Absolutely! Have I given up hope? Absolutely not. Just trusting His will and mine will be in line. That is what the relationship with Him is all about. Terrible headache today, so I'm signing off for now. Hopefully, in a few days, I will have some VERY exciting news to share with you. Until then, aj 

What?!? 2dpIUI!!!

So, on Monday, the day after I got my +OPK, I called the doctor's office just like they told me to and low and behold they put this sweet nurse on the phone. I won't share her name with you but I will forever remember it. I tell her about my long awaited +test and she seems excited and proceeds to schedule me for the IUI that day. Then, for some stupid reason I tell her that the + came on my 2pm urine and it was essentially neg that morning. ( I say essentially b/c these things are not exactly user friendly, if you have ever used a OPK, you know exactly what I'm talking about. ) So then........she wants to schedule it for Tuesday morning b/c "technically" if the + test occurs after the morning urine, it counts for the next day. You have got to be kidding me. Nope. She wasn't kidding me, not even a little bit. So at this point, I close by office door because when I get anxious, my voice gets a little higher and I don't particularly want my staff hearing the details of my ovulation cycle.....So, as my heart sets up camp in the back of my throat, I begin to "share" with her my concerns. Telling her my symptoms of egg white cervical mucus, ovarian tenderness, and bloating and the fear of waiting too long to do the IUI. She seems pretty understanding and tells me to just come on in at 1pm. Many of my neighbors in the ttc community can relate to me when I refer to overanalyzing EVERYTHING. So, I tell my medical director that I need to leave at 11am for a procedure. He asked no questions (thankfully) and gave me the green light. So off we go, the very thing I begged to God for has finally arrived. Sy sweet hubby goes and provides his sample that I called the "team" so dutifully and they went through their preparation "wash". Seriously. 45 minutes later, that same sweet nurse whose name I will never forget, calls me to the back. She directs us to a very small room and instructs me to remove my bottoms and have a seat on the table. Although, I have never had this particular procedure done, I've had my share of pap smears, so I get the gist. And there we wait. Not long though and here she comes back and I assume the position. My sweet hubby at my side, holding my hand she begins the process. It really didn't hurt, just uncomfortable to the point I told her that some relaxing music would probably help. And maybe dim the lights. I'm sure she added that to her suggestion box. (insert sarcasm) She then proceeded to tell me not to worry, this works on nervous people all the time. And just like that, it was done. The team was put into position and we wait for them to do their thing. She elevates my pelvis, and tells me to relax for at least 10 minutes. She brings me an order for blood work and tells me that I can have it drawn anywhere I like so we don't have to drive two hrs just for labs. She leaves and doesn't come back. 25 minutes later and a devoted prayer later, we decide it is indeed ok to get up and leave. Walking ever so gently, as not to disturb the activity I carefully walk to to the truck. We make it home and add more team members to the party that night - ever so gently I might add. More prayers said. All day Tuesday, I feel so calm and relaxed, I check to see if I have a pulse as I am writing prescriptions for my poor ill patitents. Cramps and tenderness all day. Didn't sleep that well that night and at some point I remember feeling like someone thumped by left ovary. Like really, it woke me up. So, all day today I have been beating myself up thinking and rethinking the timeline of this whole ordeal wondering if I screwed the whole thing up by being impatient. I think what if I didn't release the egg until last night, and the team have left the camp. Not many symptoms today. Pretty much, everything feels normal. It would certainly make this process easier if they would look for follicles with an ultrasound. At any rate, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and we have more to be thankful for than we could ever imagine or express. 4 days til blood work and 10 til any possibility of knowing if we were successful. At the end of the day, I carry peace in my heart knowing God is in control and no matter how bad I screw it up, He's got my back. He knows the birthday of my child that hasn't even been conceived yet. He knows what is best, I have asked Him for that and now I trust Him. Every day is hard, don't get me wrong, but at the end of the day, I hold onto that peace and lean on Him for strength. I know He has heard my pleading prayer as I express to Him the yearning desire burning deep within my soul to carry a child in my womb and raise them to know and love the Lord. I think I feel better now, having said all that. If you made it this far, I am sorry, for I am pretty certain it was pure torture. Thanks for reading and I ask your prayers. Until next time, love one another,
amy jo

Finally 8 days later: +OPK

YAY!!!! Finally, after 8 days of testing, we get a positive ovulation test!! Just when I was thinking we might have missed it. So, to add some flare to this post I guess I could fill you in on the details around the event. Of course I am on an emotional roller coaster and swallowing back tears all morning as I read blogs about others' experiences. I panic as I learn that I haven't been testing with the most effecticve method. I had only been using my morning urine and not testing any other time of the day. As I read, I realize that the morning urine is not the best indeed and they encourage testing throughout the day. I realize this at the same time I realize that I just used my last OPK. My heart rate goes through the roof. I live in the middle of nowhere. Literally. No OPK for 45 miles. And the championship race is on. He would do it, no doubt, but that would be like asking hubby to leave during the superbowl. So, I turn my house upside down looking for left over kits. I KNOW there are some here somewhere. Low and behold, I found em :) :).  So the test this am showed Negative. 2pm test positive. Are you serious???!!! Are you kidding me??!!! I ran and got hubby becuase at this point you would think I had a positive pregnancy test. Then I look at the expiration date and it's past. UGH. I take another one......positive. SERIOUSLY??!! This is IT??!! So I am still not satisfied and at this point I have totally interrupted my hubby's Nascar haven. He is so understanding and we find yet another test, apart from this box i found and it expired after the ones that I got positives with. Hubby did this one, "for once and for all". This is it he says, you should be satisfied with this one. He takes me out of the bathroom and to the bed and just holds me tight. Real tight. Three sweet moments pass and he jumps up and dashes to the bathroom with me close behind. He grabs the test and won't let me see it. After a loving struggle, I see it. TWO lines the same darkness. This is it!!!! So, I get the phone to call the doctor like they told me to to schedule the IUI. Who cares that it's Sunday right? Well, apparently they do. The answering service answered the phone and told me very politely that unless I needed the doctor today, I should call back in the morning during usual business hours. Are you kidding me. Nope, she wasn't kidding. So, I begin texting my two prayer warriors as well as others who are keeping up with my cycle and struggle to concieve a child. Oh, how I want that soooo bad. So, back to the blogging forums again this time about expired OPKs which apparently do not stop working after the little date printed on the package. Whew. Can we get on with this now?? EWCM and mittelschmerz right on time. This is the real deal. Thanking God for answered prayers and thanking Him that it wasn't positive yesterday. I would have surely experienced a melt down if I would have gotten the answering service yesterday.......Lord knows that would have been bad. Praying for God's will and strength. He knows I need it. Thanks again for following our little story. Hopefully our family is about to get bigger :) ;) In Christ, amy jo

Waiting patiently

Well, considering that I am now writing on Day Five of my Spiritual Journey I guess it's needeless to say I didn't meet my goal of penning my thoughts and feelings everyday. I was at the clinic by myself and I was swamped every day. I feel certain this was the Lord's way of keeping my thoughts otherwise occupied. I started each day with scripture and prayer time which made a BIG difference. I also had floods of encouraging text messages and prayers from my prayer warriors to encourage me. I have an incredible support system I like to call my cheer squad. I literally worked so hard, there was little time to think about it all much less worry about it. Then I came home so tired, I really believe I was too exhauseted to worry. I went to bed every night with visions of two dark lines in the morning to give me the green light to go make a baby. And every morning so far, I have been greeted with that one lonely solitary line on my ovulation kits. The new medication is going well, I certainly hope it's working. I know and believe in my heart that my time is surely coming. My time to shine. My time to see a positive pregnancy test and share my joy with the world. My time to feel my body changing and to be greeted by nausea every morning. I believe the Lord gives us the desires of our hearts, yet I have also pleaded with Him to bless my family with His will for our lives. Despite my desires, His will is best. I believe this with everything I have. God is gonna bless me with a baby, I just don't know when. What I do know, is His time is PERFECT. I am ecstatic to live this out because I am certain He is going to blow my mind. :) Thanks for stopping by. I pray that you will be blessed.

Blind sided

So, the first day of my Spriritual journey did not go quite as well as I had hoped. I should have remembered that when you put on the full armor of God, you might as well know that Satan will be giving it his best shot. How could I have over looked that??!! So armed with a sure faith and sheer determination not to worry myself silly over the details of this week and the next two, I headed for the clinic. I needed a busy day and boy a busy day it was! After lunch, I received a phone call from the specialist with my lab results. I gotta admit, I never saw this one coming. So my TSH and FSH were WNL which is awesome news!! My prolactin level, however, was elevated. My emotions went in to a tail spin. Is this a bad thing? Os tjos a gppd thing, easily fixed? I am not really certain of all the details in which this affects fertility, so I hit the internet as soon as I got home from clinic. Still fuzzy on the meaning of having an elevated prolactin level and what that means for this week's IUI. The nurse ensured me that I should proceed with daily OPK at home and with the IUI this week as well. I will start Cabergoline tomorrow to bring my prolactin levels down. The burning question in my mind right now is has this been the problem the whole time of ttc? AND what does this mean for the IUI this week? I took my last dose of Femara this evening, so I am praying for ovulation and successful IUI!!! DH has been so supportive and I am so thankful for him. I pray tomorrow I will be a little more stable emotionally. Another busy day at the clinic should distract me nonetheless. Thanks for following me on this journey. I pray this evening you are well.

The beginning of a new Journey; Prayerful, not Anxious

On my last post, I spoke of the plans that the Lord has for us. Plans to prosper and not harm you, to give you hope and a future. That is found in Jeremiah 29:11 in the precious word of our Lord. I find great comfort in that scripture as we begin a new leg in our journey to expand our family. We have two precious boys that are 15 and 12. They became mine four years ago when they lost their mother in a tragic car accident. I married their father and I couldn't love theses guys any more if I birthed them myself. That is a gift that was given to me by my precious mother when she took me on when she married my father; I was 2 yrs old. We were a package deal, my daddy and me. My momma loves me just the same as my brothers that she birthed. You would never know the difference. Little did I know, this was our amazing Lord and Saviour preparing me for motherhoood in such a special and unique way. So the burning desire rooted deep within my soul to become pregnant and have a child continues to grow with each passing day. We have been trying to conceive for 3 1/2 years and taken fertility drugs galore. God just keeps saying "not yet, Amy jo" and I keep asking. Since so much time has passed, I have several times now asked the Lord to remove the desire from my heart if this isn't His will for our lives. Each morning, I rise and it is still ever present and increasing. I believe with all that I am that a baby is indeed in God's will for our family. When and how is for us to live out and experience. I know and also believe there is a purpose in it all. So this past week, we met with a fertility specialist who told us what we already know - that we have "unexplained infertility". In other words, you can't get pregnant and we don't know why. So his plan is to start me on Femara. I will take my 4th dose today and my final dose tomorrow. I diligently pray as I swallow each pill.The coming week holds unforeseen excitement as we anticipate our very first IUI (intrauterine insemination)! I am so nervous and anxious about it. The next two weeks will be a grueling long waiting period to see if it was successful. 14 whole days to find out if we are pregnant. Talk about nerve wracking. So, I am an anxious person anyway, I decided to come up with a plan that would help me stay focused during this difficult waiting period. Because not only am I wound up pretty tight, I'm pretty impatient as well! So, I reached for my Bible and was led to Phillipians 4:6, do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God.  Then I read a little more and it tells me that the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ. That is huge. Those words penetrate my heart and soul and I feel a soothing calmness gently flowing through my veins. My heart rate slows, my mind stops racing, and peace fills my heart. It is important that I recognize that the peace only comes as a result of not being anxious but prayerful. So I will begin an intense spiritual journey today and daily seek Christ diligently and relentlessly as I am determined to keep my focus on Him and not myself. After the next 21 days, regardless of the outcome, I should be a changed woman. For the better of course. Hopefully, I will be pregnant and either way, I will become closer to God so it's a win win situation! Thanks for stopping by. My plan is to pen my thoughts each day so I will be held accountable to my plan and to make it easier to monitor my progress in this very special Spiritual Journey.

The sights, sounds, and smells of fall are upon us. The smell of cotton defoliant in the air has become comforting to me reassuring me that exciting changes are on the horizon. The leaves have finally started to turn colors and turn loose, as I notice them congregating under my carport and crunching under my feet. The morning air has a damp coolness as opposed to the thick humid heavy air of the summer in the delta. Football is in full swing and homecoming has come and gone. College football fills our Saturdays.  Fall festivals fill our calendars and the county fair promises cotton candy, corn dogs, and candy apples. The boys have hopes of sweet kisses on the farris wheel, as do I ! Nascar continues as the drivers race for the chase. The sounds of the cars blaring through my living room brings me much comfort as I grew up to this sound and although this has become my home, it makes me feel closer to my roots. It's funny when you think back on when and where you grew up, you miss those things, but even if you went back today, they're all gone. Everything is different. Nothing is the same. I do believe that I have reached my prime in life. I certainly hopes it lasts a while. I finally feel in the pit of my soul and know in the depths of my heart that I am exactly where God wants me to be. The path that I had to travel to get here was painfully long and winding, nonetheless worth every moment. Every tear, every sweat drop of blood. The peace that only God can provide is highly underrated and definitely taken for granted. When you are completely content and full of joy with what God has provided you with even when there are things that you want and don't have..... you know you have the peace of God and are in Gods will. I long to give back to God. Even though I realize that no matter what I give, it would never be enough, I wanna give back. I want to honor Him. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 28:11

Until next time,

jo

Rolling right along

So, here we are rolling right through September, one sweet day at a time! My time just seems to fly by! My first week of work is under my belt and it went quite well I must say. The beginning of anything can be quite overwhelming but with each day, week, month, that passes it becomes more and more natural. The temps are cooling off and football is officially in the air. I love it. Without school, now I can enjoy the simple things in life, catching those Kodak moments, and maybe even trying those homemade Cinnamon rolls that have been quietly whispering my name. I haven't been exactly what I have wanted to be lately. I want and strive to be a better mom. I want to be a better wife. I yearn to be more relaxed, laid back, although, it is nowhere in my genetic makeup whatsoever. It is a constant struggle, that with the help of my Lord I am bound to over come. I have to stop and ask myself, "in the big picture, is it really that big of a deal?" I pray for a gentle spirit. A gentle loving spirit. Sometimes all the pressures of this world can really get to us. Jesus is my rock. It is so important to lean on Him. When we are weak, He is strong. I want to reach out to others, be giving, tip big, perform random acts of kindness, demonstrate love to strangers, forgive those who have hurt me, enjoy life, love life, sing in the storms, dance in the rain, pray through the pain, treasure kisses from my soul mate, commit his smile to my memory, play his laughter over and over in my head when I miss him, make my kids laugh, fall asleep to the rhythm of his heart with my head on his strong chest, be carefree, ride with no destination in mind, feed the birds, get lost in his eyes, sing in the truck at the top of my lungs, serve God with all that I do, make my parents proud, make my kids proud, camp in a tent, watch the leaves change colors before they let go, stay up late, worry about absolutely nothing, taking it all in, giving it all back. Just sayin........aj

Mondays

Mondays in my world have now taken on a new meaning and hold new hope for our future as a family. For the past year my Mondays started on Sunday night with a sickening dread in the pit of my stomach and I had to take 12.5 mg of benadryl just to be able to go to sleep. Then, begrudgingly, I arose at 4am in order to make it to class by 8am and I am a morning person! All day, we endured class after class after class and if we were lucky they would let us out early at 630 pm for the 2.5 hour ride home. Now, my Sunday nights are nice and relaxed as we watch football and I type this meaningless blog. This will be my first Monday at work as a Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. I do realize that I keep making a big deal out of that, but in our world, it kinda is. OK, it really is. I worry about all the little things that I sit here and keep telling myself that the Lord has already taken care of all these little things that I am worried about. There are four pt rooms. I wonder if the doc will give me two rooms or just tell me which pts he wants me to see. Ugh, it will feel so uncomfortable until I find a routine. Do I come home for lunch or do I stick around? What do I do with all the junk the previous NP left in the office that is now mine? Tons of little questions are floating around in my head. At the end of the day, each day, I hope to have helped someone, not killed anyone, and avoid making the doc think I am a complete idiot. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. Not that anyone really reads this or if they do that they even care. Maybe my grandchildren will somehow stumble across my random thoughts and get something out of them. For the record, at the age of 32, I have decided that my grandchildren will call me "Sugar".

God Bless, aj

Flower Box Phase 2

Moving right along!! Potting soil next. Then we'll need a new box and a flower plan! :) One happy girl

The adorable Flower box my sweet hubby has started for me! We should finish it today. I call myself helping, but I'm pretty sure I'm not that much of a help. But I'm right there, just in case ;)! I am so excited! We're finally getting some things done we have talked and dreamed about for three years. I can't wait to post a finished pic. Now, to decide what flowers to arrange in it when we get it completed.Oh, and of course we'll need a new mailbox. I think we've gottent the goody out of this one. I'll be sure to include it in the next shot. Any suggestions are welcome! Happy Saturday to all :) aj

Cooler Weather, change is among us

Thanks to Hurricane Lee we have enjoyed some significantly cooler temps this past week. This week seemed like it really flew by as 4 day work weeks usually do. "Work week"; uh, kinda has a ring to it now that I actually have a JOB!! I am so super excited about getting my career up and running. To bring closure to my last entry, the lava cake turned out GREAT as I had none left! The slaw was almost like my momma's but not quite. The lists are still a work in progress. I will complete mine during my morning quiet time tomorrow and I'm still working on Tim with his. The boys were eager to do one and I'm not surprised as I realize for the most part, they missed the point as it turned out to be more of a Santa wish list. I worked most of this week getting things geared up at my new job! I met my Doc that I will be working with and I even have my own office! Tons of paperwork and housekeeping done at work this week, filling out form after form. One lecture they left out of the curriculum at school was "What to do AFTER Graduation". Wow. I graduated Aug 2nd and in the second week of September I am still trying to get all my ducks in a row with my license, certification, NPI number, NP protocol, Pharmacy access, Prescription Pads, Monogramming my Lab coats,  Business cards, ect. I am eager to start taking care of patients Monday! I am starting at 4 days a week until probably Christmas. I am looking forward to the change in seasons as well as what accompanies these changes. The cooler air, crisp breeze, leaves turning red, golden, brown, then turning loose and drifting lazily to the grass which contains dying grass. Before long, I will tackle those candy apples once again for the Harvest Carnival, but this time I'm all the wiser..... Roasting weenies and marshmallows; the crickets are among us as they always invade our home this time of year. Football games, speaking of which, BOTH my baby boys were on the field at the same time last night!! They lost the game but they certainly played hard. I was so nervous for them. They really did good, I am so proud of them.The days will soon become shorter and the nights cooler. As much as I am looking forward to the changes, I look forward to 2012. I am calling this our COMEBACK year. Please give all honor and glory to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Serve Him with all you have......

Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose,
jo

Change of Heart

Wow, what an amazing weekend so far! This is my very first holiday weekend since I finished school and passed the boards so it is the first time in years that I have hosted guests and not had to study or work on my thesis! It has been incredibly awesome!! I  have had a house full of people and kids and that makes my heart so happy! I have tried recipes that I have yearned so badly to try and they turned out great! I still have more to try today!! I LOVE cooking and photography and have enjoyed both so much this weekend! I even made homemade pizza from scratch. Yes, scratch as in yeast, flour and such for the homemade crust and the sauce from fresh tomatoes, onions, and bell peppers. It was delicious!! Today I will try coleslaw for the first time and chocolate lava cake. The boys have had overnight company and are really enjoying themselves and Tim has been harvesting our corn and he is like a kid at Christmas to say the least. It seems a little early to tell just how the corn crop is going to turn out, but we have asked the Lord to bless it and we are letting Him take it from here. :) It feels so wonderful not to have notes in my face constantly studying every free minute, there are no words in our English vocabulary to adequately describe it. So this morning after I cleaned the kitchen from the Hurricane Amy jo that blew through it yesterday and washing the endless loads of laundry from dirty little boys, I sat down for my quiet time with the Lord. I just can't focus if I know I have things that need to be taken care of. So, He is speaking to my heart about some things financially as we are approaching, at a slow steady pace, the ever present light at the end of the tunnel and I am listening intently, making mental notes if you will. Praise God I have a job! I am certainly excited about it and will start next week. It's at the clinic in Tchula and I just know I am going to love it there. It has been so long since I started a new job......anyway, sorry I got off track a little bit there. So during my quiet time, I remembered a list I had made several years ago, when I was deep in the trenches of my studie, of things that I wanted and wanted to do after graduation and whenever I became discouraged or frustrated I would look at this list. I haven't looked at it quite some time, and it was right where I had safely tucked it away. I was quite shocked when I read the many things on the list. It's funny how much can happen in 12 months, much less three years. The desires of my heart have apparently changed vastly as many of the things on this proverbial list aren't so important to me anymore. Some of them even seem quite silly to me now, while others seemed close to impossible at the time, now seem very attainable. I never would have imagined that my outlook on life and the things in this world would have changed as drastically as they have. I reached a point in my life where Pam cooking spray and mouthwash were luxury items, not necessity items. I think everyone should experience this in life at least once. Maybe I'll share some of the things on this list later, maybe I won't, I don't know. I am still in shock as I just can hardly believe how much my outlook and heart have changed. I thought this entry would be maybe a paragraph long, apparently I had more on my mind than I thought! As we embrace my new job, harvest 2011, and plan for farming next year, I will pray over and contemplate how the Lord would have us handle our finances. How would He have us to get back on top of things as we have fallen behind during these lean years? I want to make him proud in all that I do. How would He have us to serve Him and give back to Him? I plan to make a list of things that we need and bills that need to be taken care of and prioritize this list. Although I have turned over that new leaf and am enjoying my new relaxed grip on this life, I still like lists!! I think they are extremely beneficial! As a matter of fact, he doesn't know it yet, but I am going to ask Tim to make a list too (own his own) and have him prioritize the items on that list as well. Better yet, the boys can too. This will be a great way to see where everybody in the family stands and see what is important to them. Wow, what a GREAT idea!!! I love a brainstorming moment!! This should turn out to be very interesting considering I am the book keeper of the family and manage all the finances and payments......I feel quite certain that our lists will differ greatly. I sincerely apologize that this entry was so miserably long. I had no idea this was all welled up inside of my heart!!! Thanks for being patient and hanging in there with me. 

Until next time,
jo

Graduation Day

Tim sharing this most special day with me. Thanks so much for being my biggest fan :)

Smelling the Roses

So, as I continue on my job search, I am trying my very best to take this opportunity to enjoy the smaller things in life once again. Having been in school for three years, it's easy to forget what it feels like to sleep in or just sit on the patio and listen to the birds sing. As bad as I want and need a job, other than filling out applications and handing out my resume, it is somewhat out of my control. The very best thing about that is when it is out of my control it is IN GOD'S control :). That brings me much needed peace. So while I wait for God to answer my prayer, I am trying my best to enjoy His blessings and listen for His voice. So today I took a shower at 11am just because I could. I pressure washed the back patio because it needed it. There is a load of clothes in the dryer and they will be there later when I get ready to fold them. I took the time to make my bed. I didn't eat breakfast b/c I didn't have to. Now I'll think a while on what I want to eat for dinner. I just may take a nap after lunch. These are a few of the very things that I want so bad to do when I am slammed with the duties of work, school, and being a mother and wife. This weekend I will make homemade pizza and cinnamon rolls from scratch. I will make coleslaw as well. There is a new recipe I want to try for Lava cake and I will have this for Sunday Dinner dessert. I helped Luke with his homework last night. I am writing an article to submit to the local newspaper. I have enjoyed this time with Tim so much as we often just lounge around when it's too hot to do anything outside. I am reading "One Day" and loving it. God is speaking to my heart about how to serve Him. It is difficult because of our geographical location and lack of participation in our church but I have felt very convicted to do something for missionary work. I want so badly for my children to know the importance of serving others. Praying for guidance and direction. Hopefully Tim will harvest our corn this week and/or next. We have been looking forward to this with great anticipation. Until next time, jo.

Begging for Fall

Begging for Fall

Wow, what a ride. I am very well aware of the fact that this entry is somewhat overdue. However, that would be the OCD tendencies coming out in me because in a “blog”, one should feel free to write entries at their leisure right? I am however also aware of how frustrating it is when you are following a blog to check it over and over and continuously be disappointed that nothing new has been added. I doubt very seriously that any of you check this page often enough to be labeled frequently, but nonetheless, this is indeed an endeavor that I wanted to pursue. It was on my bucket list so here I am and there you are. You poor thing. So we have been through so much and accomplished so much since I was last able to write. First and foremost I have officially GRADUATED!!! Family Nurse Practitioner…..FINALLY!!!! I think my three guys are happier than me, they were really sick of seeing me study and hearing me whine about it non-stop. In addition to that, just to put the pretty little red cherry on top of my whipped cream, I PASSED MY CERTIFICATION exam!!! J This makes me Nationally Board Certified and unbelievably happy! I was shaking in my boots to say the least in preparation for that blessed exam. Tim was so supportive throughout all this and even drove me to my exam which was an hour and a half away and was scheduled to take me 4 grueling hours to complete. This exam only costs $385.00 to register for and I had to register for it 8 weeks ago. It is pass or fail, you get no # score. If you fail, you have a waiting period of 90 days before you can attempt again. I didn’t ask what happens if you fail it the 2^nd time. No pressure, right? Good, cuz I choke under pressure. That is precisely why I was a home health nurse rather than an ER nurse. Makes complete sense, right? So, once we hit the interstate, I can no longer speak. If I opened my mouth, the tears that are welling up in my eyes were sure to fall and then I am done. Toast. So, my cheerleader drives in silence while I simultaneously pray and cram the final few facts possible in my brain which is swelling in response to the enormous amount of information that I have loaded into it, all the while wiping sweat from the palms of my hands and trying my best to swallow the vomit that is determined to erupt like a boiling volcano. Tim drops me off with a “good luck babe! You got this!” and there I go, walking into what feels like a scheduled execution. Literally. Nothing short of a pat down when I get in there, I even have to turn my pockets inside out. There are video cameras with audio in my face for the duration of the exam recording every movement and sigh that escapes and periodically, a staff member of the testing center will walk behind me, startling me from my deep concentration just to complete their “walk through”. One hundred and seventy-five impossible questions later, my hands tremble as I offer my last plea to God resting the curser over “submit”. I am physically numb. I literally place my hand gently over my chest to make sure I can still fell a heart beat. It’s still there, beating as if on command. So, assuming I must still be alive and apparently this is indeed not a dream, I make the eternally long walk to the front desk to check out. As if I am leaving a prison visitation (not that I would know from experience, just tv) I am asked to return my issued scrap paper and pencil to the appropriate slot and sign out with the appropriate time. I can’t stand it one moment longer, I have to ask. So I ask, “can you please just tell me if I passed?”. He takes his sweet time as apparently nothing else is pressing on his work schedule. When he finishes reading the sanctified piece of paper and tells me that I pass, suddenly my heart wakes up and begins pounding out of control in my chest, surely he could see it trembling through my shirt. My knees were so weak, I thought surely they wouldn’t hold the weight that I had trusted them with. The vomit that I had been swallowing back threatened to make its presence known once again. Then the tears come to the stage. Needless to say, it was quite an emotional moment for me. So much was counting on the outcome of that hour and a half of my life. I wobble out to the parking lot searching for my escort and best friend. He is there, of course, waiting patiently. I get in the truck and it must be all over my face, he said “I knew you would do it”. He had a congratulations card ready in the seat for me. I was impressed with his level of faith in me, as there were several times in the past week including the ride to the site that I had convinced myself that there was no way in this world I would possibly be able to pull this off. The ride home was much shorter.

~Enough about me. ~


The following day, Ty and Luke had their very first football game with the new school. It didn’t go so well. Ty started as quarterback for the first time in his life. He was doing great until the 2^nd quarter when he got blind-sided and knocked the good sense out of him! They thought he had a concussion but he really just got hit hard and had to come out of the game because he was so shaken up. We got him back together and he is good as new. In the meantime, while Ty is freaking out in sheer horror that something maybe wrong, Luke is on the sidelines, praying to God that the coach doesn’t put him in. Literally. So, we don’t have a game this week, hopefully this will give him plenty of time to get himself back together again! They also lost their grandfather last week to cancer. They handled it well as we had prepared them that although God is in the miracle business, sometimes He allows people to die from such illnesses. They are both busy as I type away working on their homework assignments. Dove season is just around the corner and they are pumped. The girls are coming down and I can’t wait! We have invited a few other people and I certainly hope to have a house full of peeps!! Went to the grocery store today, just in case! Tim has been working on the dove field getting it ready for the hunt. We also hit the pavement again today, handing out my resume to anything that resembles a hospital or medical clinic. Praying for a job to come through soon and have had some interviews. In the mean time, I will anxiously await my license in the mail, enjoy the last days of true freedom I will ever have, and trust God to meet our needs financially and physically. Also praying for God to speak to our hearts on where and how He can use us in this world. Our hearts desire to be a part of missions, great or small. I am once again enjoying the simpler things in life and am finally able to slow down and smell the roses so to speak. Enjoyed a pep rally at the boys’ school the other day. Begging for a drop in the temperature, waiting and watching for the leaves to turn brown and turn lose. Praying for the Lord’s blessing on our corn crop for Laken Farms. We are just around the corner from harvest. They are cutting some corn here on Horseshoe and the smell is awesome. This summer has been miserably hot, but we are seriously trying not to complain for we know the Lord has control over all things. I am loving life and taking it all in. So thankful for my blessings and my precious family. It is indescribable to watch my adorable boys grow into faithful young men of God. They are indeed growing so fast. So I urge you today, because we all know so well just how fragile life is, to hug your family members a little tighter today. Kiss em goodbye and tell em that you love them, even if they know. If you are reading this, first I thank you for not giving up, I do know it’s long and more importantly know that I DO LOVE YOU!!!

p.s. for those of you poor souls that are begrudged with the task of keeping up with our fertility efforts, I decided to postpone my appointment as the stress and excitement is still winding down. We thought it would be more responsible and smarter to wait until the Lord provides me with a job as well as Health Insurance before we continue to pursue this seemingly impossible feat. Thanks for hanging in there with us. Know that I have not given up hope and still want a baby with every fiber of my being. And I will get one, you can count on that J

Serve Him with all you have,

jo

Gotta start somewhere

I have wanted to start this blog for two years. Each time I try to start, I freeze; having no clue where to start! Then tonight, I think, you know what, that is the purpose of having your own blog. You run the show!! So here we go, not that anyone would be interested anyway. We'll see where it goes!! My prayer is that it somehow brings honor and glory to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
    

As I envision my morning 2 mile walk, things that come to mind are the crisp cool air, a slight breeze against my cheek, those sweets chirping birds serenading me, the smell of corn ready for harvest filling the air. Now take that wonderful vision to a screeching halt and let me tell you what it was actually like. The air smells like corn alright, but it’s so darn thick it weighs down my lungs and makes the effort of breathing a workout in itself. The birds are chirping a cry for help as they dehydrate. There is not the slightest breeze caressing my cheek, only large beads of sweat leading to other places on my body that they are not welcome.  Gunner is panting heavily and wondering to himself why on God’s green Earth he decided to accompany me on this miserable journey. I make it through, however, lifting up my pitiful prayer requests to the Lord as I trudge along. Then a pleasant peace falls sweetly on my soul as I am talking with my Lord and I realize just how blessed I am. I know so many people that dread aging and who would give almost anything to go back to a certain period in their life, maybe their “prime” as they call it. Not me. I look forward with great anticipation to what God has in store for my family and I. I have been blessed with a marriage that is centered around Christ and grows sweeter with every day that passes. Each day, I think there is no way possible I could love him anymore, but when I wake up the next morning, I DO!!! It’s simply amazing. Some days, it takes my breath away. I try to take it all in, soak it all up. I never want to take it for granted. I look at my sweet Tim and realize that he is getting cuter as he gets older! He says he is getting wrinkles, but lucky for him they only add character to a man as he ages.  As adorable as he was on the day we met, it just gets better and better. I look so forward to growing old with him. Trying to envision what type of routine we will have when our kids have left the Johnson pad (I am certain, however, that they will not stray far). Will he join me with my coffee in the mornings? Probably not, but hey, this IS MY dream right? Right.  I look forward to him riding me around Horseshoe just to look at the crops. I wonder what Laken Farms will be in 10 years. I wonder what my clinic will be in 10 years. How old will Olivia be? Who will my boys have married? As I ponder these things, it becomes apparent to me that maybe I have entered the “straw hat” phase of my life. You know the point in which you go for comfort rather “cute”. I am just fine with this phase of my life! So much has changed over the past 12 months as my journey will school is drawing to an end, it’s exciting to think what lies ahead for our sweet family!! The boys have open house this Thursday and will start school Monday. This is a new school for them, so I am sure they are nervous. Their momma has em covered in prayer though!! They will shine, I have no doubt. Football practice has been brutal to say the least. With the extreme temps outside, those boys have a lot of heart as they give their all during these practice days. Ty is back up QB and starting corner (not exactly sure what that means, but “starting” anywhere makes a mom super proud!). Luke is guard or tackle and for 7^th grade, that is awesome!! Keep in mind too, that he has NEVER played football. As I am sure it is very evident, my heart bursts with pride for my boys. They are incredible young men of Christ and I can hardly wait to see the things they will accomplish for the Lord.  Faye comes tomorrow with her two little munchkins and we are super excited!! I am certainly looking forward to relaxing with them for a while!! Well, I am certain that you are exhausted from reading all of this mumbo jumbo; that is assuming you didn’t give up after the first few sentences!! I urge each of you to be all that you can be for the Lord, not for man. Give it your all; leave it all on the field.

p.s. my doctor’s appointment got rescheduled for 8-16-11 at 130. Leaving it in God’s hands

Until next time with my love,

aj